The snow covered roads of Cheyenne, Wyoming were my only surrounding as I drove my black mustang through town. The streets were eerily lit with a few dim street lights illuminating the way. I pressed on the gas gently as to not exceed a safe speed on the ice. Snowflakes flew at my windshield as my wipers worked desperately to clean the glass. My gaze was fixed on the road ahead and I could feel every strand of colorful lights flash through my car and onto my face, but in that same second I was once again swallowed by the night.
I hated this time of year. It was so cold and lonely. Most people love it, because of the safe, warm fires and hot chocolate fresh out of the pot. Family and friends constantly smiling and being thankful for one another, but for me…it was simply a nightmare. Every year, around the holidays, I am always alone. I am always abandoned. I am not crazy and it’s not my imagination. Ever since the beginning of high school I have had this knack for terrible winters. It was always something different. I was dumped by a girl. Well, that happened more than once. All of them either, left me, cheated, moved away, or…grimly, one girlfriend passed away. It was a tragic accident. It was something as simple as slipping on the icy sidewalk.
I’ve stayed single ever since. That was five years ago and I’m twenty seven now. Unfortunately, I have suffered more downfalls. I’ve been in major debt, my house caught on fire, I broke a leg and an arm at the same time, and lastly, all of my friends moved away.
Maybe I was delirious or over-exaggerating. I mean, my parents and little sister still loved me. I thought of this as I parked my car on the large gravel driveway. Decorations and lights covered the front yard of the beautiful country home. I could see candles and dim lamp lights shining in the cozy corners of each window. I know I should be thankful for at least my family, especially since the season called for it, but I continued to wear a bitter frown.
As I walked out of the snow and into the cozy, warm home I had a sense of nostalgia. I wiped my shoes on the rug and when I looked up my sixteen year-old, little sister leapt in for a hug. “Danny!” I was surprised by her and smiled from her familiar excitement.
“Hey, Megan…How are you?” I asked as she released her embrace.
“I’m great! We just got finished wrapping all the presents and making dinner. So, you showed up just in time.”
“Well I can stay for dinner, but I have to get back to my apartment soon.” I explained as she helped me with my coat.
“But Danny…its Christmas Eve…don’t you want to stay in your old room? Why do you want to go back to your apartment so bad?”
“Megan, it isn’t that I don’t want to stay with you three for Christmas…it’s just I…” I looked away, feeling tears starting to well up inside me. I starred and an old photo of me when I was eighteen. My parents stood behind Megan and I. She was such a little tike back then.
“I know…I miss him too. And you think it won’t be the same without him.” She was referring to the fifth figure in the picture; my younger brother, Spencer. He’s nineteen, but he will be twenty in a couple months. He recently went off to join the military and he’s been serving in South Korea for almost a year now. This would be the first Christmas we’d spend without him. Even though we always fought and argued there were times that I could never forget. They were times that stuck with me through everything bad; through this curse.
“You know what? It’s Christmas Eve so let’s try to enjoy it. Besides I’m sure we’ll be getting another call from Spencer any minute now.” I breathed deeply and my little sister smiled as to agree with me. We walked into the dining room and I saw my wonderful, loving parents standing on the other side of the table. I smiled and went in for a hug, but that’s when I froze. Something was wrong. Tears streamed down mom’s face as dad held her in his arms. Dad was gripping tightly on to the wireless phone in his right hand.
My heart pounded so hard that I could hear it beating in my skull. I struggled to fight back my own tears for I knew what had just happened. My parents had received terrible news. I did not have to ask, because I knew with my breaking heart. Spencer was dead. Every nerve on my body screamed with pain and panic. I could barely hold myself up and time seemed to have stopped.
Suddenly, in one swift motion I grabbed my coat, forgot my keys, and entered back into the snowy night. I could see my breath as I walked on. Voices called to me with each one of my steps taking farther away from the house I grew up in. There was no stopping me. I needed to clear my head before I do something crazy. I had no clue where I was going I just knew I wanted to keep walking.
The cold wrapped around my body so I crossed my arms to try to keep warm. The only lights that guided my unknown path were glowing Christmas lights from houses along the way. I came to a fork in the road then. A single street light lit up a sign. To the left were more houses, but to the right was a church. I contemplated for a couple minutes. Even though I didn’t want to believe it maybe someone at the church could help me. I didn’t see the point in walking further into slow covered neighborhoods, especially if I could get out of the cold.
I moved onward, the church coming closer. That’s when I started to hear music and laughter coming from inside. I quickly made my way to a set of double doors and wrenched one side open. I sighed at the relief of heat that met me as I stepped into the lobby. Looking around I spotted Christmas decorations all over the walls and ceiling. I saw a big, lit up Christmas tree on the right side of the church with presents and boxes under it marked: Donations.
To my surprise, there were a lot of teenagers and young adults at this Christmas party. I knew from the style of music coming from the speakers and the sheer feel of the atmosphere was youthful. There were tables with green and red clothes over them. They were holding plates and bowls of food along with bottles of soda and sparkling cider. I didn’t want to impose at all so I found a chair near the exit and wandered in my thoughts.
I could still feel the utter shock of it all. I shuddered as reality tried to push its way into my mind, but I couldn’t shake it…not this time. The curse had won. I let go at that moment and began to sob uncontrollably. Tears poured from my eyes and I clenched my fists. I honestly wanted to die. That thought cycled through my brain over and over again. “This is it…if anything would be the death of me it is this. I can’t go on anymore like this. I-I’m tired of fighting.” I whispered this to myself.
“I’m sorry? What are you saying? Are you okay?” My mind snapped back and I looked up, my face still wet from tears. A beautiful woman with long, dirty blonde hair stood in front of where I sat. She wore a red dress that matched the shade of lipstick she wore. I don’t know how my mind came to enough sanity to think this, but at that moment I saw that she was the most gorgeous being I’d ever laid eyes on. “Would you like to dance?” I was confused by the sudden question, but I humored her. I did not know this girl, but it was as if she had me in a trance.
The speakers in the church paused and then another song came on. I’ll be home for Christmas by Josh Groban. I knew that song anywhere. I felt the deep cutting irony, but my eyes kept locked on this woman’s elegance. Her gold eyes smiled back at me as we moved gracefully to the music. I could feel my sorrows melt away and I actually started to smile. When we reached the end of the song she did not move away.
“Follow me Danny. I have something to tell you.” I was shocked by what she had just said.
“How did you-
But she was already out the side exit before I could ask her my question. I followed her out and at first couldn’t spot her. As hope was about to vanish I saw here sitting under a kiosk lined with white lights. Her dress glittered in the light and she gestured me to come sit down. I warily moved closer, wondering who this mysterious woman was and how she knew my name. I gently sat next to her. She put her hands on mine.
“Danny. You’ve lost someone.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement that shook me to my core.
“How do you know that? Who are you?” I said calmly.
“That is not important. Just know that you’re being given a well deserved second chance.”
“Second chance…What are you talking about?” I was so lost and the pain was just coming back even harder than before. Although, she just continued lightly smile.
“Go home. Be with your family. Tomorrow is Christmas.”
“I can’t. I’ve decided to end my life soon. The pain is too intense to handle anymore.” Why was I telling her this?! I didn’t even know her, but it seemed to just come out like nothing. As if it was just another breath of air. Her smile did not change though. Her eyes shinned and I could not look away.
“Thank you for the dance Danny.” She got up from her seat and started to walk away.
“Wait! Where are you going?” I stood up, desperate for more comfort. She turned around and walked back to me.
“One more thing…Do you believe in God, Danny?” What an inappropriate question, but strangely I felt the desire to answer.
“I-I suppose. I just have a hard time believing in a God who would give me this curse to live with.”
“Curse?” She asked that time.
“Yes, that’s what I said. It’s a long story and I’d rather not get into it.” I looked away, but she moved closer. She put her hand on my face. “What are you-
“Ssshhhh…Close your eyes.” She spoke. I felt her kiss my forehead and then my cheek. I opened my eyes and she was gone.
Just then, my vision started to get blurry and my whole world began to spin. I couldn’t hold myself up any longer. I felt to the cold ground and lost consciousness.
I awoke to the sound of silence. I could smell coffee brewing and I felt warmth all around my body. I opened my eyes to light pouring in through a window. I jolted upright from my pillow and looked around. I was in my old room. How did I get here? Was it all…A dream? It felt too real. When I got out of my bed I looked down and saw that my coat was off and so were my shoes, but everything else I had been wearing was still on. So…it wasn’t a dream. Then who brought me here? I kept asking myself questions to get my brain fully up and running again.
“Danny! MERRY CHRISTMAS BIG BROTHER!!!” I was suddenly attacked with a hug from my little, 16 year-old sister. She always surprised me, but I loved that about her. “Time to wake up sleepy head! We gotta open presents!” I laughed as I rubbed my eyes.
“Alright, Alright, Megan. Let me get some coffee first okay?”
“Good Idea, I could go for some as well.” She smiled and turned to leave the room.
“So could I.”
My heart jumped into my throat. My eyes had to be lying to me, because I could not believe.
“Sp-Spencer?” I could barely speak. Was it really my little brother?
“Yah? How are you big bro? Merry Christmas.” I suddenly reached for his shirt and yanked him to me. I enveloped him in my arms and he hugged me as well. I squeezed, not wanting to ever let go.
“You’re really here…” I whispered.
“Yah, I got off early leave. They told me that I wasn’t needed at the moment and to go enjoy my holiday with my family. I go back in February.”
“I’m just so happy you are here little brother.” I smiled big at him as more tears began to creep past my eyes. “I love you Spencer and…Merry Christmas.” Spencer looked around awkwardly and at Megan who was smiling very big.
“I love you too Danny, now let’s go open presents. Mom and Dad are waiting.” He chuckled and his eyes got excited as he said the last part. Even though he was nineteen he still acted like a kid at times, but I couldn’t blame him. It was Christmas after all.
I walked into the living room and gazed at our families Christmas tree.
“Pretty isn’t it?” My mom asked as she came up on my left side and handed me a hot cup of coffee. I grabbed it.
“Oh thank you. Yah it really is.” I took a sip from my mug and I looked up to the top of the tree. Sitting on the top of the tree was not a star or a cross, but a light up angel wearing a beautiful red dress and red lipstick. Dirty blonde curls fell from the skin colored, plastic head and she was holding a golden book. On the book in silver writing was the word: Noel.
I smirked up at her as I took another sip of Coffee.
“Merry Christmas Noel…and thank you.”
That was the last winter that I recall anything bad ever happening to me. Every winter since then has been nothing less than a blessing. Now I understand what she meant by, “A well deserved second chance.” It’s been thirty years since then and I’ve told that story to my Grandchildren and their friends. Of course they think it’s a fairy tale or a legend, but they love it when I recite it every Christmas eve. And every time one of them says, “So much for the Christmas Curse, huh?” I laugh at the name the story was given. The Christmas Curse.
Maybe it was all in my head…maybe not. All I know for sure is that I now have a reason to live, a reason to go on, and a reason to truly believe.
